“The grass is always greener…” Blah, blah, blah.
One of those phrases hard to hear, yet typically true.
I woke for work so many days wanting an extra day off, to do nothing. A break from it all. A weekend escape. Me time. On my terms.
And here I am. Not on my terms at all. Finishing my seventh week in the “boot” with no end in sight, and daily trying to be diligent about restricting my movement. All in the hopes the foot will finally heal enough for rehabilitation, and a return to the daily grind. Isn’t it ironic?
Seems to be how life goes a whole lot. A dear friend once told me, “You can have it all, just not all at the same time.” Sage advice that I have frequently pondered through the years, but especially these last few weeks. She stopped by and spent an amazing few hours helping to make some of the time melt away.
Someone sent beautiful flowers to my house last week. They sat on my table and every time I rolled past them on my scooter I smiled. Unexpected random act of kindness that lifted my heart.
Someone sent me a text out of nowhere, just checking in. The smile it gave me lasted for hours.
There is one who checks in to keep me involved in the day to day outside of what is currently a very small world.
Another sends me Instagram messages. Simple Smiles.
A dear friend stopped by with a bottle of Coke and left it in a bright pink bag on my porch. She had taken the time to pick one up with my last name on it. I try to generally be healthy, but a sugary real coke is often a weak spot. She knows. I will save it for a time when I’m really starving for company. Maybe tomorrow?
I’ve been focusing as a chronically ill person would, checking boxes, and completing a variety of appointments that are necessary for the management of Cowden’s, yet sometimes interfere with my work day.
I’ve cleared a cardiology intake, and can now hope I need nothing more than an annual drive by. I have “stacked” several appointments for Meghan on a Monday in January. It will cost me the day (in my optimism that I’ll be there…) but it will save us a world of trouble going in once instead of three times. I have filed claims, copied, faxed, sorted….
Meghan got 2 wisdom teeth pulled Friday, right in front of a 4 day weekend from school. I’ve set her up with a new eye doctor for her annual screen on Election Day. The eyeglass forms from the Union are on my table. Felix and I need exams as well. I’ve spoken to pharmacies, stayed on top of prescriptions and supplements.
6 month dermatology screen for both of us next Wednesday.
I have a few projects, a few things I hope to get focused on. But, I am easily distracted. And I am focused on my apple watch, and my step count, which I have been instructed to keep painfully low.
There are some nights, after using up my steps at any of the above appointments, that I’m stuck in my bed pretty early.
I have an app on my phone that has me reading the Bible more than I have done in far too long. I love the way the books are illustrated in drawings first.
I also have an app that I can waste hours on bouncing bubbles.
I’m up to date on the DVR. I watched “Diagnosis” on Netflix.
I’ve been researching some alternative pain management.
There is always a way to stay busy. There is always something to research, to sort, to shred. There is ALWAYS a way to better yourself, regardless of the restrictions.
What I don’t do is pick up the phone. I don’t really reach out. I’ve been battling for quite some time, and I work hard staying afloat. I get the job done, and I always will. Failure is not an option. Becoming a completely isolated introvert however, is.
It’s hard to reach out when you’re struggling. I do my very best to broaden my senses and put small gestures in the direction of those I know might be having a hard time. Just because you haven’t heard from them, doesn’t mean they wouldn’t love a check in. In this technology world where its so easy to say “I’m thinking of you…” We should all try it more.
It’s not about grand gestures. It’s about knowing you’re missed. I’m not always as good about it as I could be for others. But, I’m working on it.
That starts now. Because if I feel this way, other people do too. And if we can all check in and share a smile in whatever way we know how, it will make a difference.
And right now, I’ve got plenty of time, anxiously trying to heal this foot while…