I was looking for something to describe my mood today, and there it was. Simply stated by a brilliant man, and there on the “Perpetual Optimism” Facebook page.
We keep going because we have to.
We keep going because if we DON’T, then we will fall.
We keep going because it is the only way to keep our balance.
I am tired. Tired of running, and sorting, and organizing and doing – all the time. Tired of working full time, being a full time Mom, and being a full time researcher, full time medical billing secretary, and a full time organizer… of all things.
I am not perfect at any of those jobs, and that frustrates me more. I want to do them all perfectly, but there is precious little time to pause for fear I might lose my balance.
I am grateful. For my husband and my daughter. I was never very good at riding a bike. Now that I do it full- time, they are my training wheels – always ready to hold me up… just in case.
Summer Vacation began today. Yesterday was the last day of school for Meghan and I until early September.
I love this time of year, where I always say I get to have one full-time job (stay at home mom) instead of two. Well, maybe it’s two full-time jobs – medical manager of all things Cowden’s related, AND stay at home mom… But either way it is a break from the responsibilities of work, with all the benefits of still receiving a paycheck.
Meghan’s report card was beautiful. She makes us so proud. We talked all about the end of third grade and the beginning of fourth. We ordered a new backpack (Have to order early if you want that special GREEN!)
Then she asked what we would do today, to start off our first real vacation day. I don’t think she was surprised when I answered with, “A doctor’s appointment and an MRI.”
So this morning I got up at regular time. I watered the vegetables in our garden which is growing so beautifully this year. I made sure Meghan was dressed, and the dogs were crated. And we walked out the door at exactly the same time we caught the school bus every morning for 10 months.
We made it to NYC in time for my surgical follow-up. I have officially had all restrictions lifted, although the chronic bleeding continues! I was told not to worry, and it should be gone in another 4 weeks. Delightful.
Then, we walked a few blocks to the knee MRI. She was in the tube at 10:02, with only 0.25mg of xanax to take the edge off, and lasted in there until 12:05. unbelievable. They told me they had 5,000 images. I left with a CD in hand, and a promise there would be a report by Monday.
We got home in time for a quick lunch. I managed to get the CD of the MRI, combined with a cover letter, in an envelope to Dr. K, head of orthopedics at Children’s in Boston, and sent it off in the mail. Some time next week he will call to tell us if the date for surgery will be sooner… or later.
We made it to a friend’s pool for a few fun hours, to try to salvage the day. She went to bed exhausted, and soon I will too. I hope this isn’t an indicator of what summer holds, because I am striving for a serious amount of doctor free days. More time with the kid, the pool, and the tomato plants.