I am sitting on the couch, alone. Unable to sleep because of the pain in my knee.
My left knee and I have quite a history. Pretty much told it was “arthritis” as a young one, but that was never confirmed with lab work. A car accident in 1991 banged it up and started the swelling on and off. Arthroscopic surgery in 2000 to “clean” it out, gave me relief for a few years. Now it, along with the horrendous varicose veins that plague my legs, are temporarily at the bottom of the triage list.
There are other things that we need to do first. Plus, we can’t spend our WHOLE life at the doctor.
So, when I am in my worst pain. The kind that causes me to actually ice and elevate the leg, and I start to feel sorry for myself I look at my daughter’s face and find my perspective.
I will be 40 in a little over a year. My joints have had some time to wear and tear. She will be 9 in a week. She can’t run or ride a bike without pain in her knee. She deals with a mass almost 3cm x 1cm intertwined in the side of her knee.It is always there. Even on the “good days.” She lives with he reality of the AVM that will continue to exist- to grow, and then be worked on, likely to only grow again.
As I climb the ladder closer to “middle age” thinking in terms of pain and management for the “rest of my life” is less scary. Then there is my girl.
Soon to be 9 years old. Gluten, dairy, soy allergies. Pancreatic insufficiency,chronic herpes simplex infection, immune system deficiency, early puberty, Cowden’s syndrome, gall bladder removed, tonsils and adenoids removed (and now growing back), lipoma removed from her back, excess gum tissue removed from her mouth, precancerous thyroid nodules, and an AVM that even after 4 surgeries just won’t quit.
Yet she finds plenty of time to laugh and smile every single day, and precious little time is wasted complaining about anything – from the one who could complain all day.
Life isn’t fair, but I am going to sit here with my ice pack and reflect on the fact that God is good – all the time. And He gave me one heck of a sweet gift in my little girl.