Tomorrow morning I will gather in Central Park with some 25,000 other runners and walkers, survivors, and friends and family to support the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure.  This will be my first race in a pink “survivor”  T shirt, insisted upon by Meghan, my biggest fan.

This was our year.  I registered Meghan as a “real” walker.  She got an official race day T shirt, and a number too.  She was so proud to be walking with her Mom, and Grandma – two “survivors.”  She was thrilled to be registered, and wear a number.  She was looking forward to waking up super early. 

Except, she won’t be coming.

At 6:30 tomorrow morning my Mom will pick me up.  We will each wear a special banner designed by Meghan.  We will pick up our friend, another survivor, and we will head to Central Park.  The car will hold one less this year, and if I might say so myself,

I thought it all day.  I thought it to myself.  I even hid in my room and cried a little, ok a lot.  I had quite the pity party going for my girl.  Asking over and over WHEN she is going to get a break, and WHEN is something going to go her way, and WHY can’t she seem to just have some fun when her HEART and SOUL are ALWAYS looking out for other people.  And, not to be surprised, she never said once all day that it wasn’t fair.

She encouraged me to go, even without her.  She said she was sad, and disappointed, but we made a date for the American Cancer Society walk on Staten Island in October.

She is asleep on the couch right now with 102 fever.  She woke up great this morning.  By noon she was developing a fever.  She was complaining of a headache.  By 2 PM she had cleared 102 and we headed out to the urgi center.  After an OBNOXIOUS 3 hour wait, we left with the diagnosis of  (“It’s probably”) strep, and (maybe) and ear infection.  I sometimes wonder if they train to be meteorologists, and end up as doctors – probably…maybe… UGH!

He second dose of Clindamycin will be at 11PM.  By noon tomorrow we will know if it was bacterial or viral because she should feel much better, and the headache – that always scares the CRAP out of me, should be gone.

By noon tomorrow I will be home.  Back from my race.  Full of conflicted emotions.  I have been to this race almost every year since 1998, but Meghan kept calling it my “first” race.  I will be glad to be with my mom and my friend, but really, what good is any race or celebration without your biggest fan?