Recovery

never give up

 

 

Recovery.

We should be professionals around here.  We should just get up, get going and move on.

But we are human.

We hurt, inside and out.

We get tired, and lonely.

We understand the tired and lonely that others have too – but some days it doesn’t make ours better.

Some days its hard to look at things from someone else’s point of view.

And that’s OK.

This one is a favorite of a dear internet friend :-)
This one is a favorite of a dear internet friend ūüôā

Meghan is full of exhaustion and pain and conflicting emotions.

It’s annoying to realize you blew your whole summer at doctors and in surgery.

Thankfully we snuck in that Disney trip.

I can, and I do, take solace from my Facebook friends- the ones I know for real, and the web of Cowden’s survivors I have become intertwined with.

She has a smaller network. ¬†Mostly because I don’t think she is capable of realizing the effect she has on the lives of so many others.

there is no pain i cannot fight

Yet, she is my hero.  And my rockstar.

I shuffled her around these last few days a lot more than I wanted to.  But, she likes to stay close by me when she is hurting.

So yesterday we picked up the car. ¬†Apparently the “Magic Wand Guy” (Field tech) ran out of pixie dust. ¬†He declared my car “not broken.” ¬†Ironic because 2 weeks ago the same shop who held it for 10 days said they couldn’t fix it.

It’s definitely still broken. ¬†On to the arbitration with the Better Business Bureau. ¬†Just in case someone thought we might rest. ¬†No worries. ¬†Gloves are on.

She went with Felix and I for our physicals last night.

Then this morning, she went to work with me for a bit, and to pick up some of Daddy’s medical records. ¬†(Really WHAT was I thinking staying close to home for a doctor?)

She is tired.  But she smiles.  And she hugs us.  And she asks for pain medicine.  And she wiggles her fingers.  And she looks at her pool, and the calendar, and she feels the inevitable.

I can’t stop it. ¬†No one can.

So we keep busy. ¬†We rest. ¬†I stay close by. ¬†We giggle and make jokes. ¬†If I had to “lose” a summer, I couldn’t have lost it with a better young lady!

Recovery.

No worries – WE GOT THIS!

no one sees

 

“I’ll get you my pretty…”

It is late, but I need to decompress.  my apologies to those of you I meant to reach out to personally.

Really – the last few days again have been a whirlwind.

The Wizard of Oz seems the appropriate metaphor – so bear with me.

Some time last week Meghan began complaining of shoulder pain.  Left shoulder Рmildly irritated.  So, we gave some tylenol and kept on moving.  But come Sunday afternoon it seemed to take a marked turn for the worse.  And that is where the story began.

wizard_of_oz_0244_tornado

She was struggling to move it at all, and the pain face was coming.  You know Рthe face that tries to be brave but is so strained it just ends up looking exhausted?  That one.

We got her to bed Sunday night but started to wonder if she would make school the next day. ¬†We waited until she was sound asleep and began poking at the shoulder. ¬†Sounds mean I know, but we figured if we got a pain reaction out of a dead sleep… ¬†and we did.

So I began to Email her awesome PT who did her best to help guide me and keep me calm.  She also got me a 1:15 appointment for Monday.

I emailed my boss that I would be out and I let her sleep in Monday. ¬†Then she woke up. ¬†I guess that’s where it started to get trickier.

wizard_of_oz_tornado

Well, maybe not quite that tricky yet – but close. ¬†The pain was intense. ¬†We decided to try the Urgi Care to see if she needed an Xray. ¬†We waited and were seen by a perplexed doctor who decided against the Xray and suggested we see the pediatrician. ¬†Great plan. ¬†He was on my list but I was hoping to get a jump start since his hours didn’t start till 2.

In the mean time, we went to see the PT.  Have I mentioned Jill and Lauren at Leaps and Bounds PT are the absolute BEST?  We saw Lauren who calmly assessed Meghan through careful range of motion activities.  It was clear she was in great pain.  Lauren told me she was worried about the muscles Рclearly strained, and the potential that there might be a slight injury to the rotator cuff.

wizard of oz dorothy and witch

At this point I swear ¬†I heard the sound of Cowden’s Syndrome, like the Wicked Witch, cackling in the background, “I’ll get you my pretty…!”

My heart sank. ¬†The shoveling hadn’t helped I am sure. ¬†But the swimming. ¬†That had to be the real culprit. ¬†I felt like I had been punched in the stomach, or perhaps that someone had dropped a house on me.

wizard of oz house

It had taken years to find a sport that she enjoyed.  One that she was ENCOURAGED to do.  The pride and excitement on her face Рamazing.  And now the threat that maybe it caused this injury.  My thoughts flooded with wonderings about the future.

At 2:30 we headed to the pediatrician. ¬†He evaluated her but wanted an orthopedist. ¬†We tried three. ¬†None took my insurance. ¬†Finally they found one local that takes my insurance who would see her Weds. (tomorrow) at 4:40 – but don’t worry because they are triple booked and we should plan on waiting 3 hours.

Um… no.

So as I stood at the window of the pediatrician’s office I asked him to order the MRI that seemed inevitable. ¬†He reluctantly did. ¬†Then I asked him what to do for her for pain. ¬†He called us back in and looked at her again.

He said what I already knew. ¬†He said, ” No one around here has a clue about Cowden’s Syndrome, and they don’t want to touch her.” ¬†Take her off Staten Island. ¬†Go up to Memorial Sloan Kettering where they first diagnosed her AVM. ¬†Go to the ER up there. ¬†We have no way of knowing if the knot behind her shoulder is a muscle or a soft tissue tumor. ¬†(Thank you Cowden’s)

“I’ll get you my pretty…” ¬†There goes the cackle again. ¬†And a firm reminder to Cowden’s that it WILL not get us

This was at about 5. ¬†So, we had a quick bite to eat and headed up to 68th and York. ¬†They were perplexed by our arrival, but they handled it fine. ¬†They got an Xray, and made Meghan comfortable with heat packs and pain medicine. ¬†The Xray wasn’t read because there was no radiologist on, ¬†so we were discharged hours later with the pain pills, and orders to see an orthopedist – the one who diagnosed the AVM, and to call our endocrinologist for the Xray results in the AM since he is the one we see at Sloan.

At this point Felix had joined us and we were all a bit punchy. ¬†Meghan was stiff and in pain. ¬†I was over thinking and exhausted… together we made quite a sight.

wizard of oz all

We arrived home after 11 and I headed ¬†down the street to the 24 hour pharmacy for her pain¬†medicine. ¬†Except – they didn’t have it. ¬†And they offered me no suggestion as to where to get it. ¬†So, at 11:20 – armed with my smart phone, and facebook, I relied on the guidance of a few night owls to get me to a pharmacy. ¬†Medicine retrieved, heating blanket purchased, and Twix consumed – I headed home some time close to 1AM.

Felix was staying home Tuesday.  It was Parent Teacher Conferences for me.  So my head touched down on the pillow some time around 1:20 AM.

Too tired to even think, I could still hear the cackling of the witch – reminding me so much of Cowden’s Syndrome… threatening… “I’ll get you….”

wizard of ox witch

I headed out to work by 7:30.

I called for the Xray results and got a reprimand by our doctor at Sloan that was appropriate for a child. He was annoyed that I had even brought her to the ER last night.  I told THAT doctor to take it up with my pediatrician.  I really despise arrogance.

In contact with Felix and Meghan we got an appointment for the orthopedist, on the 21st of MARCH!

Since that wasn’t going to work a long term plan, a call to the rheumatologist led to an appointment at 2:30 PM today.

Basically she feels the lump is a muscle and not a tumor…. (So take that bucket of ice water witch!)

wizard of oz melting

She gave Meghan an order to rest for a week. ¬†Better than a season! ¬†She also gave a script for PT and a muscle relaxant for a week. ¬†We will reevaluate then…

In the mean time, she is asleep.  Resting with a heating pad.  School tomorrow will be tough, but she will make it.

I got through hours of conferences and stayed alert and awake!

I will find the number and call the coach about swimming.

We will not give up.  But apparently she needs PT AND swimming, not PT OR swimming.  We have time.  Not  a worry.  We will fit that right in.

You know what, it has been a wild two days.  But it could have been a whole lot worse.

Everything with Cowden’s seems to have a sense of urgency. ¬†There is always the “what if…” ¬†Her joints are hypermobile because of the Cowden’s. ¬†She injures easily. ¬†But all that means is we have to teach her to get in control of her body. ¬†So the PT is a have to. ¬†That’s ok. ¬†Could be worse. ¬† Least we love our PTs.

AND… it will be PT AND Swimming. ¬†My girl loves to swim. ¬†And she’s not half bad.

A few readjustments.  A few more bumps in the road.  A few more skipped meals, and some more gray hair.  But it will be OK again.

Cowden’s Syndrome gives us obstacles. ¬†We work around them, through them – whatever is appropriate. ¬†As long as we don’t stop.

And well – if anyone says we can’t… we just melt them. ¬†It’s much quieter now.

Hopefully tomorrow runs smoothly.

But for tonight…

End_title_WizardOfOz