Wow… I though I was going to get away with this. Then, almost 4 weeks later, I am sitting here and there is this heat, creeping up from my toes. I swear my skin was crawling with fire. Up the legs and the back. As I went grabbing for something to get the hair off my neck and wiped the beads of sweat frantically forming on my brow.
Inhaling a bottle of water, I can’t help but hope that my body doesn’t make this a habit.
In the midst of Memorial Day celebrations, and honoring our veterans, I was somewhat consumed by the those thoughts. I have to admit.
AND I have to find a bathing suit.
I know the mercury was at about 90 degrees in New York. We opened the pool so my daughter could swim. Usually I would be right there with her, but that is a no-no on my hysterectomy recovery list.
She is plenty tall enough to swim alone. So I watched her from the deck, and I sweated. It wasn’t my normal sweat either. The sweat was actually pooling through the skin around my silicone implants. I don’t think it was a hot flash. “The new girls” were the only thing hot. But boy oh boy do I need a few more bras to get through the summer!
I could check the internet for some mastectomy recovery site. I could ask if that is normal, but there really is no need. Normal or not – in this body silicone sweats. Plus, by that time I was too consumed with my other reality.
Now, I haven’t gotten the all clear to swim yet, but even if it is another week or two, it will come. Then what? My old suits are now from about 15 pounds ago, and my boobs are a full size smaller than they were last May!
When I refused the tissue expanders as we were laying out my mastectomy in March, I knew I would end up with smaller boobs. I wasn’t even worried about going from a b/c cup to an a/b. It seemed to match my recent weight loss. But I never expected the impact this would have on my shirts! I have had to replace almost every top in my closet for some reason or another. I bought great bras (although with the sweat factor, clearly not enough) but they couldn’t help the shirts. My T shirts had to be sized down, and many of my “fancier” shirts had to be removed. It was a pain, but I finally got a working spring closet that I can live with – for now.
Of course a bathing suit is a whole other situation. My implants are rounder, perkier, and smaller than my other boobs. They are also a bit uneven, (courtesy of the 7 biopsies I had on the right prior to the surgery.) You can see my ribs under my arms – there isn’t any breast tissue there any more. I used to just buy my suits in Costco. Yep, Speedo right off the rack. There was no way I was putting this body into anything fancy. But now what do I do?
Mom will have some advice on this one. Her mastectomy was 15 years ago, but with no permanent implants, she has to find bathing suits to hold her prosthesis. And, she always looks well put together.
Silicone sweats, so I definitely need a bathing suit before we get too far into summer. And this hysterectomy recovery CAN’T go on forever!