I am getting a bit fatigued by all the positive stories I tell myself.  All the ones where everything works out just fine, and we get a bit of a break from doctors and surgery and chaos and worry.

I think I am getting tired of them, because I am starting to doubt if they are true.

We began the day at radiology at MSKCC in NYC.  The thyroid sonogram took longer than it should have.  I knew that.  I also knew when the doctor of radiology asked to speak to me alone that the news wasn’t great.

The nodule they were concerned about in June still has them worried.  Despite there being MANY other thyroid nodules, this is the one that is of concern.  I have every reason to believe it is the same nodule that caused concern when we had the horrendous biopsy at the other hospital a year ago.  The doctor told me right there it had to be biopsied.  She didn’t even wait for us to see Dr. S.  (See the appointments are set up so you go to radiology an hour and a half before you go to the doctor.  Then the doctor usually reports on the findings.)  I knew this was out of order, and it spoke to the seriousness of it all.

I explained that Meghan‘s biopsy last November was the most traumatizing experience of our medical lives together.  We have been through a lot, but watching that radiologist YELL at her to be quiet, and then BURN her neck with the numbing spray… well it was too much for any of us.  She will need to be sedated I said.

We went upstairs for our appointment with Dr. S.  Before that Meghan met with one of the Child Life Specialists, and gave over 2 shopping bags full of toys.  The woman was in awe, and I was just so proud.

We checked in for our visit with Dr. S. and we waited.  While we waited I spoke.  Candidly.  I had to be the one to tell her they were looking for cancer.  I had to tell her they were going to biopsy again.  I had to tell her I was TRYING to get her sedation, but I couldn’t promise.  She swallowed.  She stared at me.  She took it all in.  Then she reminded me I should try REALLY hard for sedation with the biopsy.

We saw Dr. S.  No new information, except that she grew a few inches and lost a few pounds since June.  HE said she is OK right now, but he doesn’t want to see her lose any more.  I chuckled at the school notices I always get home calling her obese.  Dr. S.  reexplained what I had heard in radiology.  He reassured us that  even if the nodule is malignant it is small, and not likely to need more than a thyroid removal.  Some comfort… but not a ton, for my girl still growing.  We were advised to take the first available biopsy appointment.  And we will.  I should know in a day or so when that will be.

Once we checked out it was on to the American Girl Store.  WHAT A CROWD!  Not being crowd people, either of us, we navigated the store and Meghan picked up some essentials – like a backpack and an allergy safe lunch for her new doll.  The doll got her ears pierced, and we were out the door.

We headed up to see Daddy at work.  We got a close look at the New Year’s Eve ball, and the view never gets old, no matter how many times we see it.  Meghan LOVES seeing Daddy at work!

45 minuted to get the car out of a midtown lot.  We arrived home to 2 dogs that just weren’t able to wait until we got home.  Upstairs floor cleaned.  Two glasses of wine gone.  Some type of leftovers for dinner.  And tomorrow we get to wait by the phone again.

Maybe in January the Ortegas should resolve to lose a thyroid and a spleen?  One each?  Really???

Tonight Cowden’s Syndrome, I will thank you for my gray hair, loss of appetite and generalized anxiety.  Cut us a break… please?