I am not who I was before.
Before there was Felix.
Before there was Meghan.
Before there was Cowden’s Syndrome.
Before there was breast cancer.
I am just not who I was before.
But every change has been part of a process, a transformation that is still taking place.
Perhaps the biggest change has been in my attitude towards others.
I try to surround myself with positive people.
Knowing full well that we all have our moments.
I deliberately seek out tolerant people.
Tolerant of changes. Tolerant of others.
Life is short.
Judgement brings anger, hatred, contempt.
I have no time.
So one by one I have worked to let them go – the toxic ones.
And I cling tightly to the others.
But such transformations affect your whole self – your core.
When I was much younger I had ideas. I was sure I was right – all the time.
Not so much anymore.
Now, I am sure that I make mistakes.
I am sure that everyone I truly love does the best they can with what they have where they are.
I am sure that everyone hurts.
I am sure that everyone struggles.
I look with a softer heart.
I see things from the other point of view.
Once I might have said that I found others beliefs to be “wrong” or “immoral.”
Now, I respect that others have beliefs and feelings that deserve to be respected – just like mine.
Maybe its the Cowden’s.
Maybe its the stress, or the fatigue.
Maybe its just me – growing up.
I tend to stay out of politics, and I don’t really comment on religions other than my own.
But I know I was raised to love my neighbor.
I know I was raised not to judge.
Really in the end – I just think if we all loved each other as sisters and brothers…
… well maybe more things would make sense.
I am not who I was before-
I am a work in progress.
I am surviving.
I am beating cowdens one day at a time.
I am embracing lessons learned.
I am wiser and more tolerant than I ever hoped to be.