Here. We. Go. Again.

This will be the year the surgeries outpace the age.  She’s been running a cool average of one a year for quite some time.  Now, at just about 10 and a half, she will get a jump start of her 11th surgery. February 13th. One week.

11-candles

That’s 11 surgeries.  Full on.  Operating room.  General anesthesia. Waiting for pathology.  Sometimes ICU.  Often staying overnight.  Real deal surgeries.

hospital

By my count we have been in 4 hospitals.  We have a system.  Felix goes into the OR.  I stay overnight.  It works for us.

system for surgery

Who has a “system” for surgery?

And that’s not the tests.  The MRIs that early on required general anesthesia, the three thyroid biopsies, the ultrasounds in countless places.  Nope.  Those have their own tally altogether.

My Grandma is 93.  She hasn’t had surgery yet.  Meghan thinks that’s weird.

That’s life with Cowden’s Syndrome.  Healing is “BEATINGCOWDENS.”

Surgery – the new normal.  Organ removal – the necessary means to avoid something worse.

I expected the surgical consult to be on the 6th.  Then my cell phone rang on the afternoon of the 4th.  It was confirming our appointment for the 5th.  The day it was going to snow, and ice and create horrendous road conditions.  And, if I couldn’t make it – it would be another month.

So, I spoke to my super understanding boss.  I rewrote my plans for a Weds. absence instead of Thursday, and after chopping anout 1/4 inch of ice off everything we left home at about 10:30 Weds. morning.

guardian angel

We have created quite an an army of guardian angels, and I called on every single one of them to guide our trip.  They were on point.  Not a hitch.  We were sitting in the waiting room hours before our appointment.

I got to develop the pit in my stomach as the young superheroes and their parents spent the afternoon on chemo pumps.  Pushing time.  The beautiful bald two year old in the blood room was a reminder to mind my blessings.

I had been under the impression I was coming to discuss IF surgery was a good option.  I had already decided I was unsure how I felt about whatever the poor pediatric surgeon at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center was going to be able to tell me.  But, I was a bit shocked when there really was no “if” in the room.

Her neck was examined.  Her notes reviewed.  I was reminded again of the failure rate of Fine Needle Aspirations for the thyroid.  (Close to 10% in case you wanted to know.)  I asked again what made her a good candidate for a complete thryoidectomy at 10.  The nodules. Consistent growth.  Vascular feed.  The tickle in the throat… It’s time they said.  It’s time.

nodule

I lost my thryoid at 20 in 1993 to a condition called “multinodular goiter” and “Hashimoto’s thyroiditis.”  They both stink.  But now I find myself wishing for such benign conditions to be the final result of the pathology we will receive 5 to 7 days post op.

Everything is moving faster here.  I don’t like it.  Not one bit.  I am a numbers person and these stats make me ill.

But, onward we go… because what choice do we have?

There will be work.  Follow ups.  Thyroid hormones to balance.  But we will figure it out.

She laughed today.  A lot.  Maybe she is relieved without the uncertainty.  She knew.  We all knew.

Saturday I will sign her up for her second year of CYO swimming.  The surgeon says only a week out of the pool.  And her scar should be half the size of mine.

never never give up

refuse to sink

Two days off of school   Then a vacation.  Kind of.  A “Stay-cation.”  Daddy will be home too.  Some movies, and maybe even some resting.  Maybe some healing for all of us.

She’ll be back in full effect.  Ready to rock “RARE DISEASE DAY 2014.”  Denim ribbons.  T-Shirts.  Movie night.

A denim cause ribbon, crafted after the Global Genes Project's slogan, "Hope it's in our Genes!"
A denim cause ribbon, crafted after the Global Genes Project’s slogan, “Hope it’s in our Genes!”

A girl has to have SOMETHING to focus on.

Superheroes…

In honor of the last day of September – Childhood Cancer Awareness month, I am re blogging my own post from January of this year.

beatingcowdens

I saw superheroes today.  Not the kind that normally come to mind.

superheroes

The 9th floor of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center was absolutely crawling with them.

None of them had capes.  And they weren’t any funny colors.

None of them could fly, and yet I am sure that’s what they were.

I saw young bald superheroes with smiles that could light any room.

I saw older, more mature superheroes, heroically managing their IV poles, after teaching a younger one not to cry.

I saw parent superheroes, who although their capes were invisible to the naked eye, possessed nerves of steel, and the ability to make their young one laugh even as they themselves were inches from despair.

I had a lot of time to watch them.  We had a long wait this morning.  And even as I kept Meghan distracted, my eyes never left them.

They navigated the floor like…

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Superheroes…

I saw superheroes today.  Not the kind that normally come to mind.

superheroes

The 9th floor of Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center was absolutely crawling with them.

None of them had capes.  And they weren’t any funny colors.

None of them could fly, and yet I am sure that’s what they were.

I saw young bald superheroes with smiles that could light any room.

I saw older, more mature superheroes, heroically managing their IV poles, after teaching a younger one not to cry.

I saw parent superheroes, who although their capes were invisible to the naked eye, possessed nerves of steel, and the ability to make their young one laugh even as they themselves were inches from despair.

I had a lot of time to watch them.  We had a long wait this morning.  And even as I kept Meghan distracted, my eyes never left them.

They navigated the floor like it was home, handled IV poles and ports and masks, like they were additional appendages.

These people- the young ones and their parents, are made from a stock stronger than most of us.  They endure the unimaginable, day after day.  Some endure it for years on end.  And they press on – because that is what you do.

My beautiful cousin Meghan was one of those superheroes,
My beautiful cousin Meghan was one of those superheroes,

Sometimes it ends well, and some times it doesn’t.  But while you are there there is no time to think, or to wonder.  You must just press on.

That is the story that the 9th floor of MSKCC told me this morning, as we waited for preadmission testing.

Meghan had a 9 AM appointment and between blood work, and our meeting with the nurse, we had at least an hour to wait, and watch, and marvel, and wonder, and worry.

The biopsy is Tuesday.  The results will be in by Thursday so they say.

Then, we can make a plan.  They tell me they can get the thyroid removed in a few days if the biopsy is positive.

If it’s not cancer… get us home.  And, if it is – GET IT OUT OF MY LITTLE GIRL!

She will have nothing to eat or drink after midnight Monday.  She will be tired, and cranky, and hungry when we arrive on Tuesday.  But she will get anesthesia like she asked, and the procedure will be much more humane.

Then, we will wait.

strength