So, last night after we left the endocrinologist‘s office, I couldn’t shake this book.  “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.”  If you are not familiar with the story, basically in the town of Chewandswallow they get their meals from the sky.  They never  quite know what’s coming, but three times a day it rains things like juice… or meatballs.  Eventually this starts to become a problem for them, as the portions get larger and more unpredictable.  It is a cute story, worth a read if you have a little one.  But nothing I want to model my LIFE after!

This was the long awaited appointment for my 8 year old.  The one who has been showing all the signs of precocious puberty.  She has grown 5 inches in the last several months, lost almost all her baby teeth, grown 2 shoe sizes and now at 8 yrs, 9  months, stands 4 foot 9.  This is the appointment where we were going to get the results from the testing, and she was supposed to tell me that the blood in fact confirmed the early start of puberty.  Then we would go home, and start having chats, and we would make it through.

Except, as I have said before, things don’t often go according to plan.  So, regarding the extensive lab work up, she said, “Your daughter is NOT in puberty.  All the hormones that tell the brain to trigger development are sleeping.”

 Excuse me?

How then do you explain the breasts that are developing, the palpable painful lump, and this giant growth spurt that you called “typical of puberty?” AND What about the breast sonogram?

Well that is normal.  It says “Tanner Stage II development.”

 

But doesn’t that mean puberty?, I asked.

Well, yes.

But you said… (As I reach for a copy of the report)  Hey, it also says “area of palpable abnormality of clinical concern… compatible with Tanner Stage II development!”  So, should we be concerned? (Getting slightly more alarmed and annoyed)

No, she says.  Look here at the pelvic report.  It says the uterus is not in puberty, but the ovaries are enlarged, and consistent with early hormone stimulation.

Stimulation from what?  Because now I am confused.  Is this puberty or not?

So, I kid you not, she draws me a picture.  A crude picture of two breasts, a uterus and two ovaries.  She puts a small dot on one of the ovaries and Xs it off.  She says that at some point she “probably” had a cyst on her ovary that caused her body to think it was in puberty and it began developing.  But don’t worry, it stopped because the hormones in the brain are not awake.

WHAT? Has anyone told her body?

I don’t need to see you again, unless you have a problem…as she pushes me out the door.

What about the sonogram that suggests clinical follow up?

UM, HOUSTON…. we DO have a problem!

I swear I almost asked for my CoPay back on the way out.

Is there anyone who gets that Cowden’s Syndrome is a RARE disorder characterized by a mutation on the TUMOR SUPPRESSOR gene?  If the body and the labs don’t agree, I think we probably have to look further.  Just in case there is a tumor somewhere that didn’t “fall off.”

Everything about this, from the difficulty of scheduling it at a major NYC hospital, to the way the report was written in the double speak of maybe its normal, maybe not, to the contradictory interpretation by the doctor from what she sees on the body and the paper, makes no sense to me.

I have nothing against weather reporters.  But they are wrong a lot.  Their life is of guesses and predictions.    I guess I hoped for more from the doctor than Cloudy, With a Chance of… Puberty!

I will get my umbrella,  my Mommy mouth, and all my questions.  I will keep asking until we get some answers.  But really, why must it always be such a battle?