Time is a strange phenomenon.

It just doesn’t stop.  There are days we would like it to go slower, and days we would like it to go MUCH faster. 

There are days we would like to relive, and those we would gladly forget.   But really, we have no control at all.

60 seconds in a minute 

60 minutes in an hour 

24 hours in a day 

7 days in a week 

52 weeks in a year  

I find there are  occasions when I would like time to hurry up.  When I am waiting for my daughter to get out of surgery is the best example.  Time can’t go fast enough.  When I am waiting on pathology results, for any of us – it always seems like forever.

When we were first diagnosed with Cowden’s Syndrome in the fall, the first thing they did was send my daughter for a thyroid sonogram.  Of course it revealed 4 large nodules which we subsequently had biopsied at a hospital no better than a butcher shop. 

As we sought out another opinion, and moved the slides to a much more reputable facility,  an appointment in January found us with a pediatric endocrinologist who actually had some experience with Cowden’s.  He told us he had reviewed the slides and noted precancerous cells.  He essentially told us our daughter would have thyroid cancer at some point, he just could not say when.  So, he told us to return in 6 months, and we would check again. 

I remember at the time thinking 6 months was an eternity.  I wanted it to be faster.  I wanted reassurance that she was well.  He was insistent that 6 months was appropriate. 

So we made the appointment for June 14th. Now June 14th is tomorrow.  And I think I may need a little more time before I am ready. Things have changed.  Now we have an 8 year old with a developing body, and labs that don’t match.  Now the reality that there could be a malignancy on her thyroid, actually helping cause some of these problems is making me want to vomit. 

                                                                                                                                             If we could slow things down… just a little? 

 15 hours from now we will be sitting for the thyroid sonogram, and 17 hours from now we will be discussing the results with the doctor.

 I am trying to prepare myself for whatever he has to say.  I have to hope for answers, for her sake. 

 Even if they aren’t the ones I want. Too many open questions.  Too much time had passed. 

Ready or not, here we come!