Three hours, two different magnets, three doses of contrast dye.
Six days of agonizing waiting.
The vascular surgeon called this morning.
I want to be happy.
I want to be relived.
I want to be sure I believe he pored over the images on the disk and didn’t just read the report.
Unfortunately I can not be happy, or relieved, because there is pain. Lots of pain.
When I told Meghan about the conversation she got angry.
I don’t know how to help her except to keep pressing and pressing for answers.
At least she knows I believe her. I suppose that’s more than some kids in her boat have.
But still its hard.
There is no diagnosis.
There is pain.
She has work to do.
Writing is agonizing.
Swim practice certainly doesn’t help.
What do you do?
I can’t take away everything she loves.
I can’t absolve her of responsibilities – even when I know they cause pain.
I called the rheumatologist. For a small fee I sent her the CD too. It’s only money.
Maybe she will look harder.
I feel like I have been beaten up.
I spent the afternoon writing a letter to the corporate office about chronic inconvenient car problems.
Really I am tired of all this fighting.
Can’t we all just get along and do the right thing?
No words of wisdom today. Today we do it Dory’s way…
4 thoughts on “Normal?”
I have an AVM. I understand how painful they are. I usually get CT’s for my AVM. But I have never had any doctor tell me the scan for the AVM was normal? The last scan I got pictures instead of a written report. I couldn’t click like this time.
They basically said it wasn’t there. Which on some level makes me happy – but it just means its another type of problem we have to figure out!
I know it’s cliché, but I really know what you’re going through. I understand the anger from not knowing. What I have come to realize is that when doctors tell you there’s nothing wrong with whatever test you passed, the truth is, they just don’t know. Medicine has its limits and doctors are the first not wanting to admit it.
It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to want answers. I know I sometimes wish to have something when I pass a medical test because at least, it would explain why I have pain. At least I would feel like it’s not in my head. It took me 20 years to realize that pain is pain, medicine is not that evolved, and that answers, well, I will most of the time not get them… just know that you’re not alone 😉 big hugs to you and Meghan xx
Thanks – its a daily battle, I just try to find solace knowing there are so many so much worse off. But some days – to see your kid keep struggling – its harder than others!