normal – beatingcowdens

Normal?

Published on July 19, 2013 by beatingcowdens4 Comments

Really?

Normal.

That’s it?

Normal MRI.

Three hours, two different magnets, three doses of contrast dye.

Six days of agonizing waiting.

The vascular surgeon called this morning.

I want to be happy.

I want to be relived.

I want to be sure I believe he pored over the images on the disk and didn’t just read the report.

Unfortunately I can not be happy, or relieved, because there is pain. Lots of pain.

When I told Meghan about the conversation she got angry.

I cried.

I don’t know how to help her except to keep pressing and pressing for answers.

At least she knows I believe her. I suppose that’s more than some kids in her boat have.

But still its hard.

There is no diagnosis.

There is pain.

She has work to do.

Writing is agonizing.

Swim practice certainly doesn’t help.

What do you do?

I can’t take away everything she loves.

I can’t absolve her of responsibilities – even when I know they cause pain.

I called the rheumatologist. For a small fee I sent her the CD too. It’s only money.

Maybe she will look harder.

I feel like I have been beaten up.

I spent the afternoon writing a letter to the corporate office about chronic inconvenient car problems.

Really I am tired of all this fighting.

Can’t we all just get along and do the right thing?

No words of wisdom today. Today we do it Dory’s way…

Normal?

Published on September 21, 2012September 21, 2012 by beatingcowdens2 Comments

It’s Friday. And, the only medical office we have been inside of since after my colonoscopy Tuesday is the dentist. That’s a perfectly normal place to go, and the dentist is kind, and painless too. Three days. One appointment. And a “normal” one at that. Plus, no cavities.

This is exciting in my house. Everything we do seems to be peppered with a test or an appointment. So when it’s not, it’s time to celebrate a brief glimmer of normal.

Today I had appointments – but they were for the betterment of me, in the most psychological way. Nope, not a psychiatrist. I had a gel manicure, my eyebrows done, and then Meghan and I went for haircuts.

To top it off, while she went to a well run, fun “God squad” meeting, I snuck out for dinner with a really cute guy who makes me laugh a lot. We even have matching wedding bands! 🙂

So, tomorrow is the blood work to see if the WBC has begun to rebound. Tomorrow for the blood, Monday for the pediatrician. Tuesday for the fabulous Dr. Jill at PT, Weds. for another doctor… to be named later.

But for today – my little girl and her one of a kind necklace seem to be on the up side of healthy. She is about to go to bed, and close out today with her award-winning smile.

Today. Today is good. We are here. Together. We had only fun places to be. Today I am thankful for all the people who I crossed paths with.

Trying not to worry about tomorrow. Lord knows tomorrow has enough worries of its own.

A breath of normalcy… shhhh…

Published on July 7, 2012 by beatingcowdensLeave a comment

There are lots of things that I like about Saturdays. First, my husband is home with us, and that makes any day better. I love the routines – wash the sheets and towels and dog beds, head to the bank, general clean up, and the race to see how fast it can all get done so the day can start.

Perhaps what I love the best about Saturdays is that they are almost always free of doctors. Unless we are sick or have some kind of emergency, Saturday is a doctor – free day. That means no appointments, no waiting in offices, no waiting for phone calls that don’t come (UGH!), no dealing with billing offices and in and out of network nightmares. NO DOCTORS!

Have I mentioned I love Saturday?

And today it was even better. Beyond “normal,” we had a surprise visit from 2 nephews, all grown up now – 18 and 23 – who spent this really HOT day, swimming with us, and just hanging around to chat, play Kinect, and even Uno.

We ate a delicious and healthy dinner. Grilled chicken on the barbecue, roasted potatoes, chick pea salad, and grilled zucchini from our garden! And, it was ALL prepared by my husband (who is incidentally a MUCH better cook than I will ever be!)

It gets better – if you can imagine. Today, for the first time since last summer, I put my new fake boobs, and my post hysterectomy body into a bathing suit – AND I SWAM! 🙂 And, it was ok. The suit fit. Everything stayed where it belonged. It looks like the hysterectomy has finally healed, and shhhhhhh…… even if it was just for today –

it was really nice to have a breath of normalcy in our lives!